The stats are not very promising when it comes to the longevity of marriage. The numbers show that over 50% of marriages sadly end in divorce. And that the marriages tend to last on the average around eight years.
So what are the rules for a happy marriage? What are the secrets to a marriage that will last a lifetime? Are there certain keys to making a marriage happier and be long-lasting?
LONGEVITY IN MARRIAGE EXAMPLES
My great grandparents had been married for almost 70 years before they passed away.
My grandparents have been married for almost 64 years as I write this.
My parents just celebrated 44 years of marriage.
PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE
My husband and I are celebrating 19 years of marriage this year. We have been through many ups and downs. I would be lying if I said all of those 19 years were always fun and easy-going. We went through a lot. And at times we fought. Things were said that we cannot take back.
Life in those early days was often tumultous. At times he wondered what he was getting into and I probably wondered the same.
I dealt with insecurities that caused me to overreact with petty jealousy. I was easily angered. I was very immature acting. And this list goes on.
I know that we were not alone in our marriage difficulties, but we made it. We survived and lived to tell the stories. How did we do it? How do others have a long lasting and happy marriage? What are their secrets?
There is no one magic pill to take or a formula to follow in order for a marriage to last. The truth is that anybody can be married for a long time, but to have a marriage that endures life’s trials you need to be able to stand the test of time.
And in honor of our anniversary I am sharing some important keys, tips, rules, and secrets for a happy and long-lasting marriage.
TIPS FOR A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE
HUSBANDS AND WIVES
*Listen when each other talks. Look in each other’s eyes, make direct contact, and listen with your whole body.
*Respect each other’s wishes and desires.
Here is more on how to respect your husband in marriage.
*Attend church together.
*Pray together and for each other.
*Eat meals together. There are many benefits for families that choose to eat together on a regular basis.
*Practice forbearance and forgive each other regularly. Make this a habit. Put aside the pride and work on putting away those selfish thought patterns.
*Laugh with him and have fun as a couple.
*Be on the same page when it comes to the big things (money, faith, children, politics)
*Understand gender roles according to Scripture
*Have the same goals, work toward them together, write them down, remind each other of them, and visit them often. Yearly go over them. Having goals helps to keep you connected as a couple and gives you something to work towards.
*Keep the marital bed warm on a regular basis. Sometimes this means even if you’re not in the mood. Men connect through physical intimacy, women connect through emotional intimacy. Do not defile the marital bed.
To be blunt, men have needs and so do women. However, men have an innate need for sexual release. Men take it so personally to be rejected. Men connect with us on a very physical level. If you are able to meet those needs much of the time, you will have a husband that feels like he is a king and on top of the world. And watch him go crazy for you!
TIPS FOR THE WIVES
*Trust his leadership, remember he is under God for his headship and he will be held accountable for how he leads the family.
You are responsible to submit to your husband. In Ephesians 5:22-23, it says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
*Don’t overreact with your feelings or according to your moods.
*Don’t talk too much, trust me, he does not need to hear every thought and opinion running through your head–it burdens him, wears him down, and puts added stress on him.
*But please be sure to seek his advice on big things.
*Don’t expect him to read your mind. He can’t. It will create false hopes and create an even deeper disappointment when he lets you down.
He will fail you, disappoint you, and upset you. Learn to love him where he is. NO matter where he is in his faith walk, maturity level, parenting skills, romantic skills, mechanical skills, household skills, and so on. Your love should show no boundaries.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1
*Don’t try to change who he is. This does not mean to put up with abuse or mistreatment, but to love him despite his shortcomings.
*Don’t nag him. You are not his mother.
*Speaking of his mother, and the rest of them inlaws. Learn how to love them. Treat them kindly. Be respectful. They are your family.
FINAL TIPS FOR A HAPPY AND LONG LASTING MARRIAGE
1. Realize that nobody is perfect. We are all faulted to some extent. There is only one perfect ONE that walked the face of this earth. For if we were perfect we would not need Jesus.
- Life will bring you on ups and downs. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Don’t be tempted by something better. Be content with what you have. It is not good to be jealous or discontent. God does not really like divorce.
3. Have faith in God. Pray and cry your heart out to him when you are hurting. Do not expect your husband to fulfill all of your needs. Find your identity in Christ. In Him alone may you be filled.
4. Feelings come and go, situations change, don’t say or do something that you are going to regret later on. Learn how to keep a tight lid on those lips of yours. Refrain from being unkind and be respectful. Love is not always a feeling, much of the time it is an action.
- Over the years as you both grow up and mature, so will your marriage. Things that once bothered you, you will see you have gotten past and accepted a few things. You will become more easy-going, thus more enjoyable to be around.
Looking for more on marriage, read here for 4 MORE TIPS FOR A HOLY MARRIAGE
Be blessed ladies…
Training Keepers of the Home