Equipping, Not Enabling Our Children
We have an important duty as a parent to ensure that our children are equipped for the future.
We are not doing our children any favor when we do their chores for them.
We are not doing any favors if we are do not expect our children to work.
We must not enable our children.
I have seen a good amount of children being raised into adulthood without having expectations placed on them. These children were raised by parents who only wanted to make their children happy and did whatever they could to prevent them from being unhappy.
However, this results in many children growing up without having to do chores, working hard, lifting a finger, or having to face the consequences of their actions.
These children often grow into self-entitled adults who feel entitled to special privileges in life.
As mothers we always want our children to be happy and never suffer.
It breaks our hearts when they are sick, gets bullied, or have bad days.
This is where we must be careful not to equate love with indulgence. While it is important that our children be loved and treated as special gifts from God. There must be a balance between enabling and expectations.
However, there is a difference between being a caring and loving mother, and a mother who indulges every whim and fancy of the child.
What is Love?
Love is not always butterflies and sunshiny (is that a word) days.
Love is often tough.
Love is disciplining ourselves to discipline our children.
Love is saying no.
Love is taking a toy away, removing their devices, or making them go to bed early because of disrespect.
Love is praying over them.
Love is being the ‘odd’ strict parent who knows better than to let their child do whatever Little Suzy or Bobby is doing down the street.
Love is knowing that you are raising a child who will become an adult that you turn loose into the world.
Love is realizing that you have the power to affect future generations of your family by how you choose to raise them.
Are you raising children who will become dependent on somebody else taking care of them because they refuse to work?
Are you raising selfish children who will be unable to serve others because of their entitlement?
As parents, it is our responsibility to teach the concepts of hard work to our children with a guiding hand and loving heart that is rooted deeply in the Rock.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that the child is incapable of doing anything and you end up handicapping them because you don’t allow them to handle responsibility.
Ladies, be encouraged that as you parent your children to treat them like the young ladies and men they will someday be.
My 12-year-old son is being raised like the young man he will someday be. This often makes me anxious to allow him to do these ‘young’ man things such as driving a tractor, backing up a truck, burning trash, filling our wood burner, hunting, setting traps, cooking, cleaning, and shooting guns.
Yet how will he ever mature and be able to handle responsibilities if we don’t allow him to? Some day he will be a father, husband, and the head of his household as he protects and provides for his family.
This is the same for my daughters, too, who are being raised to be young ladies who will be wives, mothers, and co-managers of their households.
Is It Too Late to Teach My Child?
Do you feel it is too late to teach your child? Do you fear that you have enabled your child too much?
If you have not done this, but desire to change, it won’t come easy especially if your children are older. But it is not impossible!
First of all, be sure to express the desire to your children for the change and the reason for the change. Explain how things will change and the new expectations that will be placed upon them.
- Go slow.
- Work on one change at a time.
- Be the one to teach, reteach, and guide your child.
- Be patient and forgiving as mistakes will be made.
- There should be consequences for disrespect or laziness.
- Praise the child (no matter what age) who finally grasps it and move on to the next responsibility.
You got this! Sweet Mama.
Let me know how I can help.
Stephanie, Training Keepers at Home