Money problems are the number one cause of divorce. With stats that report 50% of marriages ending in divorce, regardless if it is a Christian marriage or not, it is time that something is done.
Some 47 percent of millennial couples argue about money occasionally, according to a 2015 Money poll, while 17 percent fight about it often. Overspending, miscommunication over the household budget and not having enough emergency savings are the top sources of disagreement.
How can we as keepers of the home help prevent money problems and a possible divorce? That is, how can we learn to talk about money within our marriages?
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MONEY
1. Be honest and upfront
Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to talking about money in marriage. Don’t hide any details. Don’t be afraid of bringing something up. Remember that in marriage you are a team and are on the same side. There should be nothing to hide.
Too many marriages commit financial infidelity that begin the rocky road to mismanaged money and divorce. Taken from the Simple Dollar,
Financial infidelity is one of the most dangerous things that can happen in a marriage. When one spouse is making significant financial moves without the knowlege of the other, it endangers the financial future of both people and exhibits a disregard for the most fundamental parts of a healthy marriage: trust and communication.
2. Be kind and respectful
Nothing can be more difficult at times than discussing money. Because so many people tie their emotions so closely with money, it can evoke a torrential flood of feelings when talking about money.
If there are two opposing forces on a topic such as money, one spouse may be extremely defensive in a discussion. However, it is important as women that we respect our husbands when it comes to discussing money.
When a woman treats her husband with respect, or a man treats his wife with respect; both are likely to listen to what they other has to say. By being kind, waiting your turn to speak, and not interrupting; it shows your husband that you are truly listening to what he has to say. In return, he is more likely to want to hear your input.
Kindness and respect allow each of you to work toward the goal of managing your money better.
3. Be prayerful
Prayer is not just something to do at church or before a meal with your grandmother. Prayer is our own one way communication with God.
This is our life line. He is there to listen. In 1 Thess. 5:17, we are told to pray without ceasing.
And in Psalm 55:22, we are told to “… cast your burden on the Lord….” So why shouldn’t we pray with our husband before having a discussion on money?
Perhaps, you and your husband have never discussed money as a couple. Maybe your husband is not a praying sort of guy. Regardless, don’t allow that to stop you as a wife. Pray for your husband.
One of the most loving and thoughtful things you can do is to pray for your husband. Ask the Lord for guidance on how to even bring up the topic of money in your marriage. Seek His wisdom on how to manage your money.
Trust the Lord and know that He loves honesty in marriage, a team outlook, and a wife with an earnest heart that seeks to please her husband. The Lord can do wonders in a marriage where money problems prevail. Even in a situation that seems hopeless, there is hope when you give those burdens to the Lord.
4. Develop a team mentality
In marriage it is said that ” … the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:8) You and your husband are one before the Lord. You are a team. A man and woman that took vows before the Lord to stick it out together.
Money problems should be something that you tackle together. Develop a team mentality towards money. You both are on the same team and fighting for the same goal.
Even if you both have a different approach to handling money, having the same goal decreases the friction.
Start using “we” instead of “you” or “I”. Just by changing your outlook, the way you phrase things, and being reminded of the same common goal because you’re on the same team; helps a ton.
5. Develop common goals
What is important to the each of you when it comes to money? Write down your top concerns and priorities when it comes to money. Listen to each other discuss why each of these are important.
Do either of you have similiar goals? If so, make these a team goal. Look at these topics below to get you started on your goals.
- Emergency fund
- Paying off debt
- Credit cards
- Staying home after having a baby
- Fun money
- Joint savings account
Write down your team goals. Working together towards goals helps to build your relationship. You develop respect for each other by working together. You learn how to treat each other with kindness and respect.
Unity and teamwork can make an ordinary team, or marriage, extraordinary.
Ladies, be blessed.
Stephanie, Training Keepers of the Home