Do you as a couple hold each other accountable in finances?
Do you have seperate banking accounts?
Money Problems in Marriage
Money is the number one cause of divorce among Christian and non Christian couples. Much of this is caused by financial infedility.
So what is financial infedility? It is purposely lying or being deceitful about any aspect of money, especially in a marriage.
The National Endowment for Financial Education states that financial infidelity can be just as significant as emotional or sexual infidelity in marriage. And Financial Family law attorney Steven Mindel says, “More marriages fall apart for financial reasons than for fidelity reasons…marriages are built on trust and anytime you breach the trust of the other party, it damages the relationship. Getting married is like the merging of two enterprises.”
I have a family member that for the past 20 years has made sure that her money remains hers and that her husband’s money is his. They split everything. There is no ‘us’ in their money situation. Both of them suffer from lack of trust on many important issues, but money is what they fight about the most.
I have another friend that spends all of her husband’s money and leaves them no money for food, paying the bills, or for paying the utilities. They have been forced to live on government assistance and handouts for their entire marriage because she refuses to be financially responsible. I have had more than one female tell me that they have their own secret checking account just ‘in case’ something happens with their husband. All of these females had felt they could not trust their husbands when it came to money, but this is still called financial infedility.
Money requires open and honest conversation. No hiding of anything. Sharing joint accounts. Planning how the money get spent together. Excel spreadsheets. Talking about the budget. Real, raw, and unedited conversation.
If you are sneaking around, hiding purchases, and throwing away receipts for things you bought, or being deceptive about where you acquired certain items; this is called financial infedility.
I have another family member that took out numerous credit cards and a loan behind her husband’s back to supplement her shopping habits. This is an example of financial infedility.
Yet, I know of another friend that gambled away his family’s money for years (causing numerous financial problems for his wife and children). This was after years of promises to stop the gambling, this is another example of financial infedility.
Solomon said, “Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool.”
I remember one time many years ago, when money was really tight for my husband and I. It was so tight that we were barely scraping by and I went and bought a pop and ice cream cone at McDonalds.
My husband found the receipt and was upset because we had already discussed us not being able to spend a penny. The fact that the total was less than $2.00 was irrelevant. But the point was I spent the money, this was an example of financial infedility.
Ladies, I am not saying women are the cause of money problems. Both men and women can be at fault, but since I specifically address women in this group; that is what I am focusing on. My goal is to teach keepers of the home on topics that are important in managing the home.
As the keepers of our home we are the ones that spend the bulk of the income, pay the bills, and in some cases even have a better idea of what the budget looks like more so than our husbands. Therefore it is important that we become good stewards of our family’s money.
Perhaps, you have a husband that overspends on a regular basis, or refuses to be financially responsible, or just outright refuses to be on the same page with you; I have been there and so have many other women. You are not alone. However, there is hope.
If your husband won’t budget, but allows you to, then do the best you can. For years my husband refused to have anything to do with getting out debt, but after years of praying and lots of patience he stepped up, took control, and we have not looked back since.
I know I am always talking about Dave Ramsey and why debt is bad for you, but there is a reason for that. Using Dave Ramsey’s words, “Debt is Dumb, and Cash is King” have been the financial motto for our marriage. It took me years of praying and being patient for my husband to ‘own’ the idea of wanting to become debt free. I can tell what you what won’t work: nagging, cajoling, bullying, or threatening your husband. Your husband deserves respect, just as you do, even in overwhemingly frustrating circumstances. No matter where you are in your financial situation, there is always hope.
God is so good and gracious. Sometimes we have to fall down flat on our faces, but it is through those times of that we learn the most valuable lessons.
We called to be the light. In the light there can be no darkness. Sin cannot abide in the light. Truth abides in the light. Let your light shine.