5 Steps in Overcoming an Anger Problem
“I am so angry right now…….Have you ever said those words?
Do you ever get annoyed at the number of times you hear “Mommy” throughout the day?
How about walking into a room that you just cleaned to see it messed up again-did you get angry?
What about snapping at your children because you wanted to be alone?
Do you get aggravated with your husband when he asks you to do a task for him?
These questions are not meant to condemn or judge. I write them because every single one has happened to me at different times. The anger, impatience, and annoyance I felt towards my husband and family were normal feelings and common frustrations.
However, how I reacted was sinful. I choose to yell and speak unkindly towards my family. It is important to remember that as the keepers of our home, that we speak life in our homes and learn how to control our anger.
*Being angry is one thing, but sinning in anger is not okay.
Created in His Image
The Lord created us in His image, which means that He created us to have emotions such as anger, sadness, happiness, confusion, anxiety, peace, and joy. However, we must learn how to be in control of our emotions.
If we constantly react based on our emotions to situations and circumstances, the chances are pretty high that there will be negative consequences and outcomes in our relationships with others.
Setting the Right Tone in Our Homes
Our responsibility as a mother and wife is to help set the tones for our home.
Our attitudes can determine the mood of the home.
Through our moods and attitudes, it is imperative that we work daily on glorifying the Lord in all that we do.
If we struggle with an anger problem, the tone of our home becomes an angry defensive one.
Anger is a very strong emotion. While some women seem calm, cool, and collected all of the time, many struggle with an angry temperament. Being angry is not a sin, but there can be sinful consequences to our anger.
In today’s post, I will be talking about sinful anger and how to deal with it. There are five steps to take when learning how to take control of your sinful anger.
1) Watch Your Mouth
You may not be able to control what others act like, but you can control your reaction. When your child does something that angers you or your husband frustrates you, you must remain in control of yourself. This means that you must be in control of your tongue and actions in that situation.
In Proverbs 15:1, it states that “A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.”
Learning how to speak in soft, gentle tones with others. It takes practice learning how to speak calmly. The more you learn how to react gently to others, the easier it will become.
A child may do something that infuriates you, but responding in a loving and kind manner allows you to remain in control of your emotions and treat the child with respect.
Respecting Our Husbands and Children
In a recent blog post, Respect in Marriage, I wrote about how to respect your husband (even if you don’t think he deserves it). These same concepts can be applied to how we treat our children as well.
By treating your husband and children with respect, when they do not deserve it does not mean that you are living unrealistically, afraid to express opposition. It means that as a wife and mother that you are choosing to respond with grace and understanding.
Forbearance is being able to treat others with respect, dignity, and humility despite their previous sin(s) against you. It is a Christlike quality. Here are some ways to show respect as an attitude:
- Love your husband and children when they are unlovely.
- Serve your husband and children when there is a need.
- Listen to your husband and children.
- Give your husband and children physical touch-it is an affirming positive way to say “I love you, I care about you.”
- Think before you speak-EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Let’s look some scenarios:
- You walk into your child’s room and see that it is a terrible mess. Instead of picking up, your child decided to paint a picture and paint got all over the bedroom. Not only is the room a mess, but there is paint everywhere. You have two choices: Respond in a loving and respectful way. Or respond in anger.
- Your husband is late for dinner again. The kids are hungry and whiny. You are exhausted. How do you react when your husband walks in the door 45 minutes late? You have two choices: Respond in a loving and respectful way. Or respond in anger.
*Responding in a loving way, does not mean that you put on a fake cheery smile and pretend that everything is perfect. What it does mean is to listen to your husband’s side of the story. Was he held up in traffic? Did he work overtime? Did your child not hear you say “go clean your room?”
Even if you hear your husband or child’s side of the story, and you were still justified in being angry; remember
*Being angry is one thing, but sinning in anger is not okay.
2) Memorize Scripture
When you are armed with the Lord’s word and it’s written on the tablet of your heart, (Proverbs 7:3), and you are facing those moments when you feel compelled to respond in anger; memorizing Scripture is an excellent way to arm yourself.
Work on memorizing Scripture that deals with anger. Here are some Scriptures for you to memorize and tuck away so that they can be pulled out at a moments notice.
Do your best to live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Colossians 3:8
Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper–it only leads to harm. Psalm 37:8
For we know Him Who said, Vengeance is Mine (retribution and the meting out of full justice rest with Me); I will repay (I will exact the compensation), says the Lord. Hebrews 10:30
He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. Proverbs 14:29
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 16:32
When angry, do not sin, do not ever let your wrath, your exasperation, your fury or indignation, last until the sun does goes down. Ephesians 4:26
3) Recognize Sinful Nature
Being angry is one thing, but sinning in anger is not okay. You may not have the choice to control another’s actions, but you can control your actions. Sinning when your angry causes tensions, arguments, and almost always make a situation worse.
Recognize that having an angry temperament can be sinful. Once you recognize the fact that you may have a problem, it is easier to be in control of your actions. You will be able to control your words and actions better as well.
4) Confess Your Sinful Nature
Seek forgiveness from the Lord for your sinful nature. Cast all your cares and worries on Him regarding the anger issue. It is not your burden to bear. Just because you ask for forgiveness one time, don’t expect to be healed from this sin or not have to deal with the temptation to react angrily anymore. It may take many times of forgiveness, being repentant, and changing your ways before you start to see the effects.
5) Forgive Yourself
Forgiving yourself does not let you off the hook and it does not justify what you have done, and it is not a sign of weakness. Forgiveness is a willful and constant choice that takes courage and strength.
If you do not forgive yourself of past sins such as an anger issue, it is a form of pride. If we reject the forgiveness extended to us by God and others, if we refuse to forgive ourselves, what we are doing is setting ourselves above others and that is pride! Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Unforgiveness of oneself will bring self-destruction, a haughty spirit, and a fall. Christian forgiveness will bring peace. (Focus on the Family)
Mama’s and wives, our moods and attitudes set the tone for our homes. Let’s learn how to overcome a sinful angry nature and glorify the Lord in the process.
Stephanie, Training Keepers of the Home